THE VANISHING AEROPLANE

Okay, hands up all you conspiracy theorists who think that it was somehow brought down by the Royal Family because they discovered that Princess Diana was really alive and well and travelling incognito on the flight wanting to have a holiday in Vietnam?

Okay, hands up all of you who think that it was transported into the Cargo Bay of an alien starship from the future who discovered that one of the little Chinese children on board would grow up and become the scientist who discovered warp drive which would then become the basis for Earth’s powerful Starfleet that would challenge their own domination of the Galaxy? And that by travelling back into the past they’d find the aircraft with the kid on it and stop it all happening?

Okay, let me see. Hands up all of you who think that the two Iranians on board weren’t happy go lucky young guys who wanted to escape from their country and go to Germany to study geography because they were in fact heading east to Vietnam and that according to President Obama and William Hague nobody can point a finger at Iranians anymore so it’s all being dumbed down?

Right… hands up all those who think it was a conspiracy organised by the world’s most powerful Jews who’d built a gigantic submarine which surfaced in the South China Sea and switched on a magnet which brought down the plane and forced it to land on deck from where it was cunningly transferred into the Cargo Hold after which the vessel submerged. The reason for the abduction being that the Jews wanted to introduce many of the Chinese kids on board to gefilte fish and chicken soup so that Israel could start manufacturing millions of tons of the stuff and start exporting it all to China in oil tankers going through the Suez Canal. Yes, it’s another world-wide Jewish conspiracy and right now there are dozens of Chinese kids eating kosher in a Jewish submarine.

Okay, hands up all of you who really know the truth i.e. that all the Intelligence Services know but no-one is saying because the real truth is just too horrible to talk about so all ‘the powers that be’ are encouraging all the conspiracy theorists to talk shit in order to distract attention from something so awful that not even they can possibly imagine it. So let me assure you immediately, none of it has got ANYTHING whatsoever to do with a gigantic plane eating spider produced by a top secret American bio-nuclear test. I mean, trust me on this one.

All this said perhaps it’s now time for the truth. A view that might seem strange to many but simply cannot be discounted because in cases like this all things are possible. That the plane itself was experimental and its flight, still ongoing, is a miracle of science. You see, the plane isn’t just something that flies through the air but can also safely fly underwater. That when it ‘disappeared’ from radar screens what it actually did was switch into a long downward glide then gently pass into the ocean continuing its descent for hundreds of feet with its special aqua-jets switched on. Exploring the ocean in a kind of excursion for four or five days with everyone aboard having great fun before it will slowly ascend to break the waves to the astonishment of the world with everyone aboard safe and sound. Now frankly I’m not at all convinced about this theory myself but I’m sure that there will be many who are and that all true conspiracy theorists out there will pause for reflection and take it in as a genuine possibility.

Finally, it is a view shared by many that the disappearance of the aircraft was caused by a group of rich and powerful conspiracy theorists who decided to create a genuine mystery just to see if anyone might have the imagination to work out that it was conspiracy theorists themselves who were really behind it. Tragically however, one of the group who did it was a double agent who said that the thing never happened at all but was just a made up story and that there’s no missing plane. In which case no-one really knows what to believe, so if by chance some plane is actually found somewhere or other there will be many people who just won’t believe it and maybe many others who are having such fun with the whole thing that they just won’t want it to stop and sooner or later they’ll set themselves up in business finding missing things like some kid’s little lost Teddy!

Okay, have you now had enough conspiracy theories for now about some aircraft that vanished? You haven’t? Well, let me wait a few days before I can think up some others!