Such a question is not as unpleasant or
rude as you may think! For example, if I’m a Labour Party supporter, which by
the way I’m not although millions of people are, what am I to do if I see a
white van passing me in the street? Especially one flying a Cross of St George flag
on its aerial? It’s not so much of a joke as you might think because Ed
Miliband, leader of the Labour Party thinks that we should all show respect
to white vans, their owners and the English national flag, the red Cross of St
George on a white background. Now I’m trying to figure out what this means and
what I might eventually have to do. I
mean, when the occasion arises and a white van passes me by, do I stand rigid
on the pavement and bow by head or if it’s the case of my wife does she have to
do an immediate curtsey?
And if we see a number of white vans all
passing by one after the other do we keep bowing and curtseying or is one time enough? I mean,
being decent hardworking people we’re
dead keen to get it right and not be seen as anti-English in any way. And especially
I might add, displease the dear Labour Leader in any way. So if Ed says show
respect that’s what we want to do!
The point I’m making is this. If Ed says we
ought to show respect then that’s presumably what he does, only how
he does it on a daily basis I’m not sure and require guidance. For example, if
Ed’s just leaving the House of Commons and he sees a white van passing does he
do a quick bow, even if it means he might bump his head while getting into his car,
or does he just stand to attention and give the white van a quick salute?
All this uncertainty comes about in my mind
because Ed Miliband has said, in connection with recent events where the Shadow
Labour Party Attorney General was forced to resign for what her Leader deemed
to be an offensive photo-tweet of showing disrespect for someone who owned a
white van and had Cross of St George flags in his house windows, that we should
all respect white vans! Well pardon me. Since when have white vans been given
the status of a Rolls Royce or Bentley?
Nour,
nour, my lad, I can hear my friendly neighborhood
policeman saying, don’t you be getting
facetious… Ee’s not talking abourt white vans as motor vehicles themselves, but
abourt the people oo’s driving em.
Okay officer, I now understand. In Ed Miliband’s mind the white van is a symbol. It represents ordinary decent hardworking people, and to be disparaging about white vans in any way is to be disparaging about the said decent people. Right, I get the picture. Everyone, yes everyone with a white van is automatically decent, hardworking, and above all, someone that Ed hopes will give the Labour Party their vote at the next General Election. In short, to criticize white vans and their owners damages Labour’s chances of forming the next Government, so if the white van man has got English national flags in the window of his house that means giving them absolute respect because Ed and Labour will do anything to get his vote. Sacrifice whatever principles they previously had for Essex and Kent’s white van man’s support!
Just consider the possibilities for a new
United Kingdom that’s left the European Union! Above all the possibilities for
a new reborn England. One that’s dominated by the culture of the white van. And
certainly not to be left out of the equation, white van women! Fat, raunchy,
hair-lacquered, beer swilling, fish and chip guzzling women. Ed Miliband’s type
of women of course. Decent and hard-working. Well given that both white van men
and women are both so important in the new England, isn’t it only fair that
they should be represented in the national flag? That in each of the four
squares of the Cross of St George there’s now a white van as the new national
symbol.
The commercial possibilities are endless. For
couples getting married a white van on the top tier of the wedding cake with
the happy pair having a snog inside. White van wallpaper… some Premier League
team having a white van logo on its shirt… baseball caps and clothes carrying
the white van logo. Something that every kid wants for his birthday or Christmas.
Yes, and every time Ed Miliband’s white van passes by in the street we bow and
show respect like we’re all Chinese peasants. Yes, and that’s because he’s just
gone and bought one himself!
A far-fetched description of a fantasy
dystopia? Maybe not. If the leader of a political party who’s aiming to become
the next British Prime Minister says on television that he respects white vans then
perhaps it isn’t so far-fetched at all. However it’s not the van itself that’s
the real issue here is it but the kind of culture and people it represents.
Miliband has elevated the van itself to symbolic status. One coterminous with
the working or lower middle class man. The latter, a self-employed tradesman,
using it to drive around doing his jobs, in which case why hasn’t he got his
name or the name of his company on the vehicle? I’ll tell you why! It’s because
this decent self-employed hardworking man doesn’t pay any tax. He doesn’t want
anyone to know he’s doing it all on the fly and claiming benefits besides, this
fine Ed Miliband-Daily Mail decent hardworking man. Alternatively he drives a
white van because he got it second hand cheap and cheerful and nobody wanted it
because it looked a piece of shit, only you can’t say that anymore! That’s
because thanks to Ed the price of a white van will soon cost you more than a
Rolls.
So where is it all coming from? All this
mighty peculiar stuff that’s making everyone think that poor old Ed’s finally
cracked? Well it’s the view of certain insiders that most of the stuff he’s
been coming out with of late is by way of his close political advisers, one of
whom was some loopy feminist political confidant to Barak Obama. Oh dear Ed,
what made you employ someone like that to tell you what to say? Didn’t it enter
your head that British politics is an ideological world away from all the
soporific shit over there? They don’t have trades unions, well not anything meaningful
anymore and they regard social democracy as something close to communism. As
for socialism you can forget it, but then Ed’s not much of a socialist himself
anymore. Even so there are many trades unionists and members of the Labour
Party who are and politically they’re light years distant from the slimy upper
crust blue stocking democrats from millionaire families like those advising you
Ed.
White vans! Nationalist flags! Showing
respect! It’s American style populist crap that’s enough to make even a Nigel
Farage blush. The working people, the poor and the needy who the former New
Labour Governments of Tony Blair and Gordon Brown betrayed want you to talk fairness
and equality
like you really mean what you say. And the students now being ripped off for
nine thousand quid a year need genuine help and a far better deal. If
you’re in Government and printing billions of notes why not give some to the
people who need it instead of stuffing it back into the pockets of the bankers
and financial criminals. What kind of person are you to talk psychological gobbledegook
then turn your back on the many and once again fill the pockets of the few.
The Labour Party never came into being to do that so
get a grip on reality before it’s too late!
No comments:
Post a Comment