A Conspiracy of Trash

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Saturday, 22 November 2014

NIGEL TAKES THE BISCUIT

So UKIP won the Rochester and Strood bye-election overturning a massive Tory majority of close to ten thousand and taking the seat with a 2900 majority and 42% of the vote. The Tories got kicked into second place with their share down 14% while Labour got a miserable 6000 for a seat they’d held not so long back. As for the Liberal Democrats well what can you say! A joke vote of 349 behind the Greens and less than one percent of the vote!

Time for the spokesmen of the main political parties to roll out excuses and so they did, but the facts are inescapable. Much as the now desperately cheesy Lib Dems run around wearing the cloak of martyrdom, that they went into Coalition with the Tories to help save the country, no-one believes that kind of bullshit anymore. They did it for themselves and public contempt has rolled over them by the bucket. One of their mouthpieces said on television that they’ll still be part of Government after next year’s Election. That’s plain delusional. As for David Cameron he’s been coming out with the usual guff about it being a protest vote, swearing by all that’s holy to win the seat back for the Tories next May. Fat chance! If you want to play King Canute I recommend the Old Vic or somewhere else in London’s theatre land. As for Labour, after last night Ed and his team are all white van boys and girls. Waving the England flag is compulsory and anyone who doesn’t, gets fired! Running scared after UKIP, Ed’s gone all nationalist these days.

Excuses by the bucket load. Come the next General Election it will all be different sure thing, only most of Westminster’s politicians know that it won’t. Last Thursday’s result wasn’t a blip or a protest. It was the shape of things to come. The old game is over. The Liberal Democrats are dead in the dustbin and David and Ed have got the genuine shakes. Cameron’s come out with his public school bluster while Miliband’s taking Labour soft right. It won’t do at all. On the other hand being seen holding a pint outside Rochester pubs in recent weeks Nigel’s UKIP has taken the seat but more important than that he’s taken Westminster’s cherry and what it says is what counts. He and his party want out of Europe and they want out of uncontrolled unlimited immigration into the UK. In the public mind that’s what they stood for. They’re a powerful wind of fresh air compared to the jaded, corrupt political clique at Westminster with its close to three party alliance supporting EU membership and opposing immigration control. Nigel and UKIP they see, have an uncompromising contempt for the old Westminster order and won’t be intimidated or bullied.

The laconic self-effacing Nigel is their man and UKIP their party of difference. It’s a view that’s been steadily growing and won’t be turned back. It’s strength, however, comes at a crucial time in the unfolding, perhaps unravelling of Westminster politics and what may be best described as old traditional certainties and ties. The Labour Party is in very deep trouble. It’s strength at Westminster has been historically guaranteed by thirty to forty safe seats up in Scotland. At the time of Tony Blair’s election victory for Labour the Tories were all but wiped out north of the border and the Scottish nationalists were only just up and running. From 1997 onwards the policies of Blair and Brown Labour Government closely following those of the Tories brought serious hardship for the people of Scotland, resulting in a fundamental shift of political allegiance. Today the Scottish Nationalist Party forms the Government up there with a majority of seats. At the coming General Election in May 2015 it’s likely that the Scottish Labour Party will lose most of what its’ got left. No more support for Labour from Scotland that it once absolutely thought it could count on. Thirty to forty seats down the drain leaving it likely to be in a permanent minority at Westminster. Worse! Having to rely on support from the Scottish Nationalists with their seriously more radical, even socialist policies, if they hope to form a Government!

Far worse still. Mortal dread! With its traditional working class support increasingly concerned with uncontrolled immigration, and what with Ed Miliband’s nodding donkey support for European Union membership, Labour’s facing a fast growing and steady erosion of its traditional vote in the north of England. There have already been signs plain as the nose on anyone’s face that Labour’s traditional working class base is steadily turning to UKIP. If the recent bye-election result in Manchester wasn’t a serious wake-up call with UKIP running them a deadly close second I don’t know what is and Nigel Farage knows it. On two political issues that increasingly count he’s lined up his party to seriously eat into if not gobble up altogether much of Labour’s heartland with millions of working class votes flowing his way. Ed Miliband’s got Labour stuck in a mold that millions of people simply don’t want. The last three months in politics have given him a real wake-up call and he’s increasingly come out sounding more radical but quite frankly it’s already too late. He’s been facing a steadily growing radical populist tide. Not radical in any ideological sense but radical in the sense of plain pointed difference to what is perceived as traditional Westminster consensus politics. Nigel has positioned his party as DIFFERENT and the public want difference. 

In short, Labour’s facing a double whammy. A powerful body blow from Scotland and a right hook from Nigel. UKIP’s ready and waiting to take Tory votes and probably seats in Essex, Kent, the south and south-west, but the major prize lies in the Midlands and North. If Labour fails to position itself on the issues of Europe and uncontrolled immigration in the next three to four months in the face of a UKIP populist tide,  it’s just about done for! Much also depends on how much support it gets from the populist media. With the Sun and Daily Mail behind it, it could be on a devastating roll. Sharing power with a Tory party fast shifting right over Europe. However a large populist vote doesn’t necessarily transfer into seats. Much depends on the populist media and the Tories all know it. Support from the populist press for a populist party could take Nigel high. If not a Prime Minister maybe a king maker!

David Cameron and his centrist support in the Party have every reason to really run scared. With their loopy Lib Dem Coalition partners round their throats as many Tory MPs increasingly see it, there are an easy hundred or more who’ve had quite enough. Above all they want out of Europe, something that’ll solve the big immigration issue. It’s as populist as they are. As populist as their Essex and Kent constituents have become under a tide of seemingly unstoppable East European and mass Muslim immigration. This Sun and Daily Mail constituency wants out and Nigel will show them the way. The promised land of a new Westminster where promises made are promises kept. A holy Covenant in fact between Nigel’s spiritual colleagues, of the Party itself and an electorate in search of plain speaking. The Tories may be traditionalist but they know a good thing when they see it and Nigel Farage knows that they know! If the dominoes are falling many will want to jump on the bandwagon fast before it’s too late. The UKIP bandwagon that is not a Thatcherite Tory Party. Nigel says what many of them want to hear. It rings a chord in their populist gut!  

Right now though I want to talk about the England’s flag and the greatest supporter of the idea that everyone should have one in their window to show what a genuine patriot they are. Yes you’ve guessed it, the Milipede! Now let’s follow it through to its logical conclusion in our new totally patriotic Great England. It has to be every window on every street and in every town so let’s start with Bath! The town census has been poured over by an army of clerks and lists have been made. One for every street, mews and alley. Every house numbered with the names of everyone living there… on the list. Okay, it’s time for the people of Pulteney Street. Everyone out their houses, line up and proceed to the flag collection point where your name will be called. Now here’s your flag. White background with a red cross on it.

It costs you a fiver but never mind. It’s the price you’re willing to pay for your patriotism. The policeman standing next to the clerk ticking your name on the list smiles affably. Right, now off you go sir, and make sure it’s in your window by three. Our hofficer will be round soon to check that it’s there.

By two o’clock every house in the street and every flat in every house has got a flag in the window. The whole house bursting with patriotic pride, and it’s the same in every street all the way through the town, and in every town and village all the way through the country. But not in Wales or Scotland ‘cos they’re not English you see! So now the whole of England’s bursting with flags and everyone’s now properly English. But wait, there are exceptions. Windows found without the English flag in them and reported to the police. The names of their occupiers passed on to the Daily Mail and the Sun so you can read them on the front page. And if they should go out in the morning they’ll find people waiting there. Oi, is it you ‘oos living ere. So why ‘avent you got a flag in your window. Well, if you’re not English what are you doing ‘ere then?

What, you’re refusin to put up the flag. Well we all know your sort don’t we. You gotta be from Romania or something… Come over ere to take our jobs is it? Well I can tell you mate, thank god we all voted for Nigel. Well e’s running the Government these days. In Coalition with Ed Miliband! It was ‘im ooh said we all ‘ad to ‘ave flags. Well I don’t have to tell you. There are places for people like you. I mean where you get sent for correctional training. They’ll teach you to put your English flag in the window all right!

Now haven’t you read it all in the Mail? All the new compulsory training. Your England Independence-New Labour Government insists that everyone must learn to drive a white van. The Government’s message is simple. If you can’t drive a white van you’re not English!

So now you’ve got an England flag in your window and a white van outside your house or in the driveway. And soon your beloved leader will be visiting the town. Crowd yards deep on the pavement. Parents holding up their kids. Your teenage son or daughter a member of the Milipede Youth Movement! You get it don’t you? Or maybe not! You’re living in a white van country with a flag in every window sporting the cross of St George. Well maybe you don’t get it because you are part of it all and can’t think outside the box anymore. That’s the England Independence-Milipede Box! Either that or you’ve been sent to some boot camp in Essex run by special squads of police for retraining. Knock all that middle class shit out of you so that you’re suitably white van people. The new working class or better still underclass and suitable to re-enter society in which Nigel is everyone’s hero. The founding father of the New England with the Milipede his devoted Young Apprentice. I can hear it all even now… A low cackle then the words, yes my Master!

The scenario of low volume discontent was set up years ago in the early nineties with increasing immigration that turned into a flood under Blair and New Labour. And with it came ridiculous decisions by the Judiciary on the rights and national status of immigrants with an arsenal of crazily misguided lawyers  fancifully believing they were the conscience of liberalism and the last word in human rights pleading for the rights of Islamic hard liners and terrorists. In the early 21st century the tide was purposefully nurtured and allowed to turn into a flood which coupled with permitted financial criminality, economic collapse, national instability and a national anxiety that ran ever deep, a hard, insular nationalist reaction was inevitable. The position of the English working class as a thoughtful often left leaning social entity collapsed into a white van characterization of what it had once been with Labour Party politicians scurrying at breakneck speed to give up every decent value of communality they ever held. Enter UKIP with its nationalist certainties and a tide of crosses of St George and English identity running fast ever since.

The English nationalist box is now well and truly open with millions of people racing headlong towards it. Lower middle class Essex and Kent, the working class of the Midlands and North and a relatively new underclass of just about everywhere are leaving traditional ideology and politics for Nigel and UKIPS own ever confused, own ideological conflicts and uncertainties. For many, voting for UKIP has become like some kind of salve. Because you think you know what it stands for and know where it’s going it’s like taking a pill. Something that will relieve all your anxiety. All your uncertainty. Nigel knows what he wants and where he’s going…

It’s like taking a nice sugary biscuit. Nigel’s yum yum and UKIP something tasty and certain. A man and his party who understand all your anxiety, about Europeans, about immigrants, about Islamic terrorists slicing your head off. Suddenly there are bogeymen everywhere but then there’s Nigel and UKIP, handing out sugary balm and relief. Yes, a vote for Nigel will make you far more relaxed. Make you feel better and what is more you’ll know that you’ve done the right thing!

Oh really? Since when did you stop being British and give up the right to think?  

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