And would you believe it! This strange
Stephen Hawking like planet is inhabited by some remarkable people, but then
not everyone gets to live there you know. Indeed you’ve got to be special. It’s
likewise an invitation only kind of place, so let me introduce you to some of
the folks who live there. Who’ve made the grade to be citizens!
Of course you don’t become inhabitants by
what are generally considered ordinary means. Oh my goodness me no. Wayne’s
World is a Lewis Carroll kind of place. A mirror image of everything you may
have thought normal. Among its most favored residents are bankers and
footballers. For bankers, credentials for entry are simple. As a Chief
Executive, Chairman or Director you need to demonstrate your personal
responsibility for causing the bank to lose huge sums of money, causing a major
drop in its share price and the unemployment of thousands of its staff, and for
doing this you receive your coveted passport for entry to Wayne’s World which
is a gigantic annual bonus in cash and shares. And if you do this more than
once the Government of Wayne’s World will send you an open invitation to
settle.
The second but equally prominent class of
citizen are footballers, many of whom have played for England and of course the
England Team Managers. The passport for entry by such splendid fellows is the
demonstration of gross mediocrity. That’s because Wayne’s World is contemptuous
of any real professional skill like accurately passing, kicking and heading a
ball, running forward with it and, worst of all, dribbling. Oh no! The criteria
for entry to Wayne’s World are putting yourself about by going to nightclubs,
regularly appearing in the media and having your agent constantly talking you
up more than all that other silly stuff. That’s because in Wayne’s World it’s
appearance that counts, not how you succeed on the pitch. In Wayne’s World that
kind of success is anathema. Especially if you play for or manage England.
Almost contemptible!
Whenever you see footballers on the telly
in Wayne’s World, many of them looking like Mister Blobby, they’re all mighty
proud of their great achievements like losing or drawing with nonentities. Oh
no, you’ll find none of this boastful we’re
the best in the world stuff from the footballing stars on Wayne’s World.
Such worthy inhabitants of such a very strange place where everything is the
opposite of what it should be. That’s because Wayne’s World, first discovered
by Stephen Hawking, is down a black hole. A place where all space and time
disappears and bankers and footballers and other celebrities can go on living
there happily ever after. Free of all worries about being replaced or losing
their jobs, and furthermore always being wonderfully paid . That’s because of
who they are and what they do!
You see, Wayne’s World is such a free and
happy place. There’s no criticism. No pressure on anyone to do better. It’s a
place where failure is understood and respected. Just imagine banking executives
making good profits and asking that a tenth of their salaries and all their
bonuses go to charity. Are you kidding? They’d never get anywhere near Wayne’s
World! Same as footballers who make forward runs and score goals. Leave it out!
Wayne’s World is a magical place. Full of all kinds of stars. Celebrities you
might call them who shine out like beacons of light! And what do most of them
do? Why, they keep the great mass of unknown creatures of Wayne’s World amused
and entertained. They’re the fun-folk of Wayne’s World who live in the sun.
Below them is the vast army of millions who are teachers and transport workers,
ambulance men and NHS workers, postmen and women, firemen, carers and cleaners.
All that dark underground army on Wayne’s World coexisting with the bankers,
footballers and entertainers earning fabulous salaries.
They all inhabit a special island on
Wayne’s World called England, and no-one knows how that great army of ants got
there, but I do! They were the original inhabitants don’t you see? The ancient
aboriginals of Wayne’s World! All the people who worked hard and struggled. Who
built and who mined, who taught adults and children and treated the sick. Who
worked so hard to provide decent service, only because they actually cared, it
wasn’t enough. And then came the time of the bankers and footballers who
didn’t. Those and the celebrities who created the New World. Wayne’s World! Where
failure and putting yourself about became everything.
And so my friends, welcome to Wayne’s
World! Why, don’t you recognise it? Don’t you recognise the shit-hole you live
in? Where
millions of decent hardworking people earn so little for doing such important
and valuable jobs and useless hapless rascals earn fortunes for failure.
No comments:
Post a Comment