THE TURD THAT WON’T FLUSH

The Newark by-election is over and the Liberal Democrats have been wiped out. Annihilated! Just over a thousand votes out of thirty-eight thousand and their share down by 17% plus. Fifth behind an Independent candidate and the Greens. Kicked up the arse by the people of Newark and lost their deposit. Poor things, nobody wanted to know. Wanted to hear how keen they are on having unlimited numbers of immigrants coming from East Europe to take away British jobs on a daily basis or how much the love the vile EU bureaucrats who make it all possible. No, the voters of Newark didn’t want to hear the Lib-Dem shit anymore so they put a boot up their backside. But wait, what’s this? Friday morning and their Party Leader invisible! Hiding away somewhere with his face white as a sheet and trying to work out what to say. Maybe  planning to tell us all over again that they’re paying the price for a good cause. About the heroic sacrifice they made by hooking up with the Tories.

Sorry Nick, did I hear you say something? Did I see you open your mouth? Sorry mate but I don’t understand. After the kicking you got are you actually still with us? I mean, I thought you’d have stuck your head in the dustbin by now. Stood up like a man, taken responsibility for all the election defeats and resigned. Handed the job over to the nation’s favourite Scarecrow by now. The man you were having a well- rehearsed Nigel type pint of beer with in a pathetic publicity stunt just a few days ago. But no, you still  haven’t appeared. Probably figuring out that what with all the D Day stuff covering the headlines there it will all go away with a couple of aspirin and you won’t need to show yourself looking like a born loser all over again.

Your current lead role as Silent as the Grave wimp in David Cameron’s Court however raises another point. Why, pray, are you still out there pretending you’re half decent when the British people, at every chance they get, think you’re an opportunist political shit? Well truth to tell Nick we’ve only just got the lowdown. After the next General Election, when you your Party get the caning you deserve and lose most of your seats, what’s left of your Party we’ve heard, are planning on pulling another sordid political number like offering yourselves up to the Milipede and Labour in another stinking Coalition! Don’t try and hide it Nick! The secret meetings between your senior associates and the Milipede’s top henchman like Lord Adonis…  and no we’re not talking Greek Gods here, more like skinny runts… also once bosom pal of Dark Gordon Brown are now public knowledge! But then isn’t it true Nick that you’ve also been having your own secret meetings with the Milipede recently about drawing up plans?

Yes, you’re planning on doing a dirty deal with Labour if the election looks hung and the Tories can’t bear the smell of you anymore. You and what’s left of your Party in the middle all over again. On heat for another sniff of political power and ready to sell yourselves to whoever flashes the biggest bundle of jobs in the Government.

Yep, you and whoever’s left of your crew lip-sticking it in with the Milipede’s lovelies. That’s why you’re still there Nick. Why you’ll always be there never mind the kicking you’ll get every time British voters get the chance to express an opinion. Doesn’t matter if you lose every deposit you and your Party stick up… Doesn’t matter if your share of the vote drops below 2% … Doesn’t even matter if the Archbishop of Canterbury, the Chief Rabbi and the Pope all send you texts telling you to get the hell out. No, none of it counts. You’ll still be there for the next General Election, never mind that everyone hates you. Never mind that the whole country’s praying… No, your cheesy face will still be around with the same old policies that make everyone puke. Waiting to make one final deal with whoever you can climb into bed with.

Trouble is, after the next General Election when your Party hasn’t got enough seats to fill a public toilet, who’ll want you then baby? Ten seats left out of fifty and betrayal written all over your faces you can go kiss it from here to eternity!   

Yes we all know what the Liberal Democrats are Nick. After you lied about student fees you lied about energy prices. And after you lied about energy prices you lied about controlling bankers bonuses, getting rid of their filthy practices and more.

And now we all know you’ll do anything to stay in Government no matter who’s running it.

Okay Nick it’s now Friday, the day after Newark, so go take a look at yourself in the mirror. The public know you’re not going anywhere Nick. Just toughing it out as the turd that won’t flush.