A Conspiracy of Trash

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Saturday 9 November 2013

PISS TAKING

If you’re from China, Germany or Russia, or indeed from anywhere in Africa or Asia… or even if you’re a recently arrived alien who’s just so happened to have beamed down in Britain, all eager to mix with the natives and explore their culture, you may be forgiven for thinking that piss taking’s got something to do with a medical procedure that involves measuring the volume of liquid waste fluid in the human body; a kind of controlled procedure making use of pressure and flow instrumentation and sterile collection vessels. Well sorry to disappoint you but the phrase refers to something entirely different as you will soon discover, namely, the assignation given those usually engaged in politics, banking, energy supply management or vehicle repairs, of a thoroughly contemptuous and supercilious manner towards their fellow human beings or for that matter just about anyone else they come into contact with. It’s singularly British mannerism rarely found anywhere else on the planet.

Piss taking or ‘taking the piss’ often has to do with demands for money or the cost of various comestibles. For example, you go to a street market to buy a pound of bananas expecting to pay less than a quid and the man selling them on the barrow says, “That’ll be ten! They’ve gone up in the last few weeks because all the banana pickers in Jamaica have gone on strike,” to which you reply angrily, “are you taking the piss.” “No mate,” he says, “you go and ask Nick Clegg. He was responsible for it!” That said you walk off angrily knowing he really is ‘taking the piss’

That then is what it’s all about. It’s those Liberal Democrats! Up to no good all over again stuffing up part of your supper. And you feel all bitter and twisted because you voted for them and yes, the problem with the bananas is really all your own making!

Okay, this thing with the Liberal Democrats has gone far enough! They’re really not such a bad bunch of bastards after all, to extend the metaphor. Seriously though, these phrases have entered the common vocabulary because they’re an entrenched part of the British national character i.e. making a sick or sour  joke at someone else’s expense. And when the joke’s really bad you’d like to give the perpetrator a good kicking for it but then you’re civilized, so you go and do the same to someone else. Make a sour joke at their expense. Result? Basically it’s made the British a nation of piss takers. “Hey, who won the Man United game last night? “What! Sunderland beat us ten nil? Are you taking the piss?”

The last example perfectly illustrates this fascinating aspect of British character and national identity, i.e. a very real taste for outrageous impromptu absurdity. A kind of spontaneous and unexpected departure from normality into a weird and humorous fantasy! There’s been no serious scientific research on the subject, as to why people do it or what factors initiate this kind of conduct. We only know that it happens with great regularity, often centering on the kind of people mentioned above, but not always. True, Liberal Democrats may have also become a regular target for piss taking but likewise not always!

Piss taking may indeed be a mechanism for humorous critique. The Italians may prefer writing an opera, the Americans having fun blowing people to pieces, the Germans writing some philosophical treatise about nothing, but the British are different. They prefer taking the piss. It’s a kind of middle ground if you will for antagonistic impulse. Some people go in for revolution. They don’t like the society they live in or those who run it so they chop their heads off or shoot them. Others, like the Japanese or the Indians are altogether more passive. More fatalistic. They don’t dance around or cheer when some thieving political crook running their country and stealing their taxes is diagnosed with terminal cancer. No, they just smile because they know that when he dies he’ll come back in another life as a piece of shit they can flush down the toilet. The British on the other hand don’t go in for extremes. No, they prefer the middle way of doing things. Just like the energy companies taking the piss out of their customers, getting together to raise their energy prices every few months in response to which millions of people are taking the piss out of the rascals who run the energy companies and banks. Yes, we know what you’re like. You’re just a load of piss takers!

And while there is little that people can do to make them pay for their vast legion of improper conduct, such as Members of Parliament fiddling their claims for expenses or banking executives awarding themselves huge bonuses in the face of massive financial losses, they can at least generate their own widespread contempt with a piss taking humor, far more powerful than anger or fury. Yes, the public are letting you know what they’re thinking all right! You think you’ve been taking the piss, do you, you lying scummy Liberal Democrats? Oh yeah! Just wait till the next General Election comes around! Been taking the piss have you? Well soon it’ll be our turn!  

Whether it’s impromptu dark humor or sheer vengeful intention, taking the piss is distinctly British. A daily circumstance of people’s lives. It has its light side and its heavy, more often than not depending on whether you’re on the receiving side or the giving. It’s not necessarily lit up with fun but also with malice. Alright, here’s a challenge. Do you remember the 1980’s? The Thatcher years? A whole decade of the deadly serious and mean! Well how many times did you see people laugh or have a really good laugh yourself? It was a time when the nation was truly divided. You were either with them or against. It was class war. No place to stand in the middle because there was no middle ground. It was a time of no mirth. No laughter. I remember it well. One of the great British virtues seemed to have gone down the tubes. Vanished! And that was taking the piss. Everyone intent and intense. Focusing on right or wrong, the good or the bad. There was nothing to facilitate impromptu humor or spontaneous jokey verbosity. You either went along with her and her crew or you suffered in silence. No, piss taking as a general activity took a big dive in the eighties and only returned with John Major, Michael Howard and William Hague. All perfect targets for piss taking!

That said let’s take a closer look at the subject. There is a very real difference between piss taking and insult. Both can be elevated to the status of art form though insult rarely is. It’s generally cruder, rougher, ruder, nastier and less loquacious than piss taking. If it hits a tender spot in the person its aimed at it might initiate some form of retaliation, even violence. It’s much more personal in character. More considered and direct. Generally undisguised. Piss taking however is altogether more subtle. But while both are intentionally demeaning, the latter is always more complex, more open to interpretation perhaps. Insult that is subtle, on the other hand, can be all the more devastating. Indeed, the more understated it is the more deadly its impact!

Having said this, it is also true to say that understated insult at its most clever and best is not far removed from piss taking which, while not always personally and purposefully mean, does have the potentiality to be caustic. The understated insult on the other hand can be devastating when its true character and purpose is grasped by the recipient. One thing is clear though, as manifestations of British character, both piss taking and insult are unpleasant. They are all too often symptoms of sublimated anger, redirected from self onto others.

At this point I can hear voices! But please, don’t get me wrong! They are from people saying, Hey, lighten up! Don’t start getting all analytical on the subject Mr Freud Blogger! What that really means is don’t start getting so serious about it all. It’s an only too typical response. A somewhat snide defence mechanism. It’s like saying that we should be able to make unpleasant remarks to people because it’s part of our tradition, our national character, without the recipients of such remarks being permitted to complain or ask why. In other words accepting such things and not taking them seriously because if you do you need to - in that singularly strange phrase - lighten up. In short allow these things to be said to you and just take it because actually that’s the British way.

Well actually it isn’t! I think back to a time not so long ago when Hitler and the Nazis were doing some piss taking. Dropping bombs all over our cities killing hundreds of thousands, mostly civilians, after which we said, fuck you Jack, we’ll give you the same ten times over! Put simply, piss taking as a national habit has definite limits. People don’t like piss takers and start standing up for themselves. So politicians, bankers, energy companies, car repairers and landlords watch out. People have limits and sooner or later they’ll start pissing on you!

PISS TAKING OR INSULT?

Having completed this post which I hope you’ve enjoyed I now invite my readers to participate in a Quiz. Below is a list of what I’d call ‘happenings’.  I’d like you to tell me whether in your opinion they fall into the category of Piss Taking or whether you judge them to be an Insult.

1). The British Government operating a listening/spying device on the roof of its Embassy in Berlin.

Piss Take or Insult?

2). The American National Security Agency tapping the Mobile Phone of the German Chancellor Angela Merkel over many years along with those of many other political leaders the world over.

Piss Take or Insult?

3). The Big Six British Energy Companies annually increasing their charges to domestic consumers at three times the rate of inflation  in recent years.

Piss Take or Insult?

4). Police at Downing Street asking Andrew Mitchell, Cabinet Member of the British Government at the time, to wheel his bicycle through a side entrance rather than open the Main Gates to let him through.

Piss Take or Insult?

5). Gerry Adams, Belfast Commander of the IRA, being awarded the Nobel Prize for Peace.

Piss Take or Insult?

6). The British Meat Industry manufacturing and selling products made of horsemeat rather than beef as advertised on packaging?

Piss Take or Insult to consumers?

7). Saudi Arabia being offered a seat on the United Nations Security Council despite its current laws permitting the stoning to death of women for adultery and chopping off people’s limbs for stealing; never having had an elected Government in its history and denying all freedom of religious worship except Islam.

Piss Take or Insult?

8). Employment Agencies in Britain charging their contract workers money for paying them their wages.

Piss Take or Insult?

9). Moneylenders describing themselves as Payday Loan Companies

Piss Take or Insult to the poor?

10). The lawful practice of many large British corporations registering themselves in overseas tax havens to avoid paying a considerably greater tax liability in the United Kingdom.

Piss Take or Insult to most British taxpayers?

Now I feel sure that there are many other piss takes or calculated insults that readers may know of and wish to make me aware. Possibly more spectacular than those I have mentioned above so please send me details of any you know. The free exchange of views is always welcome.

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