The Eurovision Song Contest of 2015 may be over and done with but most
British people who switched into this festival of high camp must have watched with
a powerful sense of derision mixed with a peculiar delight, the memory of the
spectacle perhaps staying with them for a long time to come. That’s because it
represented just about everything they detest about Europe. A blazing show of
offensively vulgar cultural camp that stands at the opposite end of our British
values of modesty and calm, resolution and unsung valor in the face of hostility
and chaos. A kind of steadfastness against the silly showiness of pretence!
This Eurovision Song Contest symbolizes the character of modern
European culture at its best and in doing so reflects everything about the
European Union that most of us detest and want to have nothing to do with. Something
that’s camp, hollow and demanding. A kind of totally over the top trashy cultural
bullying with the music and contestants literally screaming at you with loud,
noxious renditions of lyrical meaninglessness passed off as soulful in a kind
of pretend game of national identity. The contestants all competing against each
other for the best display of gyrating pretty boy, pretty girl camp doubtless
watched by every dirty old lecher across the continent. This spectacle of awfulness
may have been enjoyed by the gay and camp communities across the British Isles
and Europe who probably don’t even know what the British people stood up and
fought for in the late 1930s and throughout the Second World War. However the
fact that the event took place on the anniversary of the heroic evacuation of
British troops from Dunkirk by a flotilla of small ships in Operation Dynamo
says it all.
Says it all because this year’s event was held in Vienna, Austria,
birthplace of Nazi thought and the filth-hole that Adolph Hitler came out of.
It has always been said that while the Germans made the best Nazis the Austrians
were the best anti-Semites. Long before their rise in Germany, Austria had a
vicious and virulent anti-Semitic mayor running Vienna from whom Hitler learned
all his Jew hating. It gets even worse. This city, which forced its elderly Jewish
population get down on their knees and scrub its streets got off free when the
War ended because Austria was never held responsible for the War and put in the
dock for War Crimes. Indeed the country escaped all condemnation for its dirty
past so now, as quietly respectable members of the European Union, they gaily put
on a show trumpeting liberal virtues with the theme of Building Bridges led by its
national transvestite treasure, Conchita, the lovely lady-boy with a smartly
trimmed beard.
I don’t know exactly what Conchita is but I do know what this person
wants to be and that is immodest and attention seeking. All things to all men and
women! One national hero gone so long live another! After Hitler, Austria’s love
affair with cultural diversity! And to demonstrate their love for their devastatingly
deviant cultural icon she was allowed to poke her head into just about every
aspect of the show. Why, can’t you see
how tolerant we’ve become? These days we Austrians want to build bridges
with everyone, hence the insistence of Africans banging loudly on drums during
a percussion type interlude. No, we’re definitely not those nasty Austrians any
more. We’re part of a lovely European family these days!
This kind of image makeover fools only the stupid. It’s not a matter
of tolerance. Of being live and let live for everyone. It’s more a case of how
the image is used and for what purpose and in the case of the Austrian nation’s
love in with Conchita it smells of a serious desperation to please. The only people
who love this kind of person and this kind of show are the cultural camp of
Europe and the British Liberal Democrats. What was so particularly awful
throughout was the intensity with which the Austrian hosts were so desperately
trying to please. Being so sugary nice that it ran off us like syrup. And it
all had to be perfect. Perfection for everyone in this great advertising
opportunity for Vienna and Austria! Maybe that’s why Israeli flags were allowed
to fly just about everywhere. Jews, we love you these days! Not
sorry about what happened before because before never happened! And if it did
it was all a long time ago and we’re now happy gay Europeans. Part of the
European Union family of nations!
Sorry to sound cynical but you people were co-conspirators in one of
the greatest crimes in human history. Something that will forever stay in your past
so don’t go playing Mister Nice Guys just a few generations after the event with
some rowdy little sing because it stinks and given half a chance you’d be up
for it all over again! The British people haven’t forgotten. Not the best of
them young or old. You can go play tolerant liberal camp in the EU but we know
you only too well. You were never made legally liable for Hitler. Never made to
say sorry for what you helped do and you can play happy families with all your
former fellow collaborators in Europe but the British have got your
number. And it’s the same for those happy-snappy bouncy Swedes who won the competition.
So very social democrat these days and so neutral during the War but wait a
minute, good old neutral Sweden opened up their railways to Nazi troops allowing
them to cross their territory and invade Norway!
But let’s not dwell on such things! Modern Europe is so very
different these days so let’s talk about this happy family European Union Song
Show. I made some brief notes about some of the performances…
Slovenia… Singer shouting gibberish, dazzling stroboscopic lights.
France… Woman in black
mumbling emotionally in French;
Israel… Man in dark suit with pretty male dancers around him
gyrating to a meaningless tune, Golden Boy, and lyrics with a grin all over his
face and huge yellow lights in the background.
Serbia… A huge fat woman;
Sweden… Jazzy man in funny trousers;
Germany… Stunning bitch in black;
Romania… Bald hippy;
Greece… A stunning blonde shouting;
Georgia… Crazed tall bint in crazy
black costume yelling Christ knows what;
Albania… Desperately shouting woman;
Lithuania…
All very love in;
Estonia… Man playing a guitar and girl
singing in English. Catchy tune and good harmony;
United Kingdom… Jazzy 1920’s theme. Good beat, well sung, catchy lyrics.
The song, Still in Love with You wasn’t
really loved by anyone in Europe!
And yes, Conchita was just about everywhere throughout the Show
trailing its theme Building Bridges twinned with ‘Coming Together’… Very
much like the EU. Well let me tell you, watching it all, most British
people don’t want to come together
with a gang of scrubby I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine bureaucrats
in Brussels who take the financial contributions of British taxpayers, second
highest of any member state and hand it over to East Europeans in East European
shit holes. The message is this. We don’t want to be part of your family where
culture, history and national identity is dissolved into nothing. We have our own thank you very much and we
lead a Commonwealth of Nations besides!
To continue! The percussion interlude was happily loud with all the
performers smiling desperately with everyone desperately having fun in a
desperately staged cacophony! Everything compulsorily perfect with ridiculous
set pieces and more Israeli flags being waved for the ending of Mahler’s
Resurrection Symphony, choir and trumpets blaring out in a very Germanic finale
(the man himself was an Austrian Jew who had to get baptized in order to
advance his musical career). Finally the whole audience waving their hands and
partying in an orgy of flag mania while the two hostesses showed tit one way or
another in a kind of madly grinning agreeability. Yes it was all deliciously Kamp
Austrian style, but better than Mein Kampf as on a previous occasion.
And now the points awarded. Hello Vienna… This is Gina from Armenia… Thank you for such a fantastic Show…
Wait a minute, Gina from where? Last
time I looked at an Atlas, Armenia was somewhere in Asia same as Georgia but
never mind. There’s no chance of either place being asked to join the EU. But
it was fascinating all the same to see all those countries coming in with
either their pretty boys or titty girls giving us the vote. And all so
fabulously predictable. The people of one country giving the merry little ditty
of its next door neighbor either 10 or the maximum 12 points;
Finland: 12 points for Sweden! Romania 10 points for Russia! Greece:
10 points for Cyprus! Belorus: 12 points for Russia! Denmark: 12 points for Sweden! Serbia: 10 points for Russia! 12 for Montenegro next door:
Azerbaijan: 10 points for Georgia!
12 for Russia! Moldova: 10 points for Russia! 12 for Romania!
France: 12 points for Belgium!
(joke, joke) Armenia: 10 points for Georgia! 12 for Russia! Holland: 12 points for Belgium!
(joke, joke) Macedonia: 10 points for Serbia!
12 for Albania! Lithuania: 8 points
for Estonia! 12 for Latvia!
Just a small example of the mental character of the people of
Europe. Not voting for the quality of the songs in themselves but for those of countries
next door or those of political allies in what can best be described as an orgy
of pure national self interest. Building
Bridges? Coming Together? Are the Austrians who put up the Contest
having a laugh? They must be! Furthermore the same thing happens year
after year! All this cultural love-in shit except for the fact that the people
of Europe only ever operate along the lines of narrow self-interest! Maybe
that’s why Britain never wins! Because we don’t have any real friends next door
in Europe. They don’t like us. They’ll take our tourist money and the contribution
of our taxpayers for the beggars of East Europe but that’s about it! The
European Union and the Eurovision Song Contest are taking the piss. Having a
laugh at the British expense when your populations in general are all hot and
ready to collaborate with evils like the Nazis and then you realize you need
Britain’s help!
However please note. Our criticism of you doesn’t
make us intolerant or unpleasant. We’re easy going in our great strength and
historical depth of character. After all, we fucked the Germans over twice in
two world wars so we’ve got plenty going for us. And actually Europe, you need
us more than we need you, so remember it while you’re having a laugh at the
expense of the silly British you think we are!
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