A Conspiracy of Trash

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Sunday, 11 May 2014

SICKIES OF THE WEEK

Sick jokes, I mean seriously sick jokes, don’t come any better than anything involving the Liberal Democrats. Quite frankly, just about anything connected in any way to this unrivalled gang of political shysters is enough to give anyone a belly laugh, that is unless you’re one of them yourself and you’re head’s so far up your own arse that you think that the whole world revolves you and your delusions let alone the gang of political rascals currently sitting in Coalition with the Tories.

Beg pardon! Did I call them shysters and a gang of political rascals? If so I’ve done everyone with any sense of honesty and decency a major injustice! These smelly little Jack-the Lads are far more stinky than that so let’s take a look. Fingers to your nose? Okay then. A few days back, opening the Liberal Democrats campaign for the May local elections, Party leader Nick Clegg urged his followers to shout their achievements in Coalition Government from the rooftops!

Bold as brass. Yeah, yell it from the rooftops. We’ve come down from the mountain and now we can tell it to the world… Okay, you tell it Nick but between me and you most people just don’t know what you’re talking about and if they think they do they’re even more deluded than everyone thinks! Voting Liberal Democrat for these people is a plain kind of sickness, much like the millions of turds straight out the sewers of Essex who repeatedly voted for Thatcher in the 1980’s.

The substance of these so called achievements that he and his gang of Coalition henchmen would like to have us consider important are all those things they claim to have prevented their nasty Tory allies from doing! Well if your partners in Coalition were so nasty then why the fuck did you join them? Oh yes, sorry I forgot. It was specially to prevent them doing those things! For example, like attacking the benefits system for disabled and needy people whose lives were already so badly damaged and stressed… like preventing people in prison being sent books to read… like reducing housing benefits for young people… like forcing people to take offers of zero hours work contracts or else lose their employment benefit… like ensuring that the scandal of undercover police operatives who had sexual relations with women they were spying on was swept under the carpet… like staying silent about every recent dirty act of British foreign policy…

Just a few of the many wretched acts of meanness and injustice with which you’ve collaborated, so pray tell us then Mister Clegg, exactly what have you and your Liberal Democrat colleagues in Coalition done that you can so proudly shout from the rooftops.  

Well I’ll mention a few of the things that you’ve actually done.  Firstly, when your friend Ed Davey took over as Secretary of State for Energy he set up an Energy Suppliers’ Cartel in his very own ministerial backyard with executives from the big six energy suppliers working there. The result of this has been that during your time in Coalition, people’s energy bills have skyrocketed! As for cheesy Ed who took over from jail-time Chris Huhne, he just keeps wringing his hands. Telling everyone that there’s nothing he can do! Alas, this kind of bull doesn’t work anymore, not with the huge profits the energy companies are making. Everyone knows that all this Liberal Democrat hand wringing is phony.

Next rascal up is dear old Vince Cable, Secretary of State for Business. The man who promised to clean up the banks and their illegal practices, do away with the outrageous bonuses they pay their executives along with all the vast volume of filthy malpractice going on in the City. Yes, here he was. Mister Clean! Going to sort it all out and clean it all up! That said he took on the task of privatizing the Royal Mail. A liberal democrat doing the very thing done by his old enemy the Thatcher Government! So let’s take a look at how clean it all was. Firstly he hired Lazard Brothers, a powerful international bank to do the job. Secondly, he and the bank worked out the share price for the flotation on the London Stock Exchange. It was surprisingly low, in the mid three to four pounds range. Strange that! Immediately it came on the market huge blocks of shares were snapped up by powerful institutional investors including the bank managing the sale, Lazard Brothers! Well whoopee, and what do you know… well the share price shot up three quid or more within hours of the flotation and Lazard Brothers flogged off what it got hold of making itself a cozy eight million!

Nice one, but more was to come. For arranging the share sale for Vince the bank charged him, which means you and I the taxpayer, close to two million! Total profit out of the deal for Lazard Brothers around ten million. And the big question that needs to be asked is who was it who set the share price so low. The answer is clear, the indignantly Mister Clean of the Liberal Democrats, Vince Cable. Never mind that the staggeringly low share price cost the taxpayer hundreds of millions. Never mind that the bank he chose to fix it all fixed themselves with a nice little profit.

Yes Nick Clegg, you and your friends go shout your rotten privatization of the Royal Mail from the rooftops just like everything else you’ve been up to and claim it was a major success. TROUBLE IS NO-ONE BELIEVES YOU ANYMORE!

What you and your Coalition mates have actually done for the people of this country is NOTHING. Unless, that is, they started out rich. For the poor, the homeless, the needy, the low paid and the victims of police violence and misconduct you have done nothing. The British people know you and your party by now. They’ve heard you lie, bluster, make false promises and talk bullshit. They know that the Lib-Dems are the Party of unrestricted mass immigration from Europe and just about anywhere else.

So my first SICKIE OF THE WEEK is party leader Nick Clegg telling his followers to be proud of their party’s achievements in Government.

And if anyone still believes all that bullshit coming out of your mouth then they’ve got to be even thicker, even more deluded than you!
 
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Those who saw Jon Snow, the British media’s fawning Third World apologist-in-chief interviewing the petite Nigerian Minister of Finance all dolled up to the nines for the occasion in an utterly ridiculous pink and white ethnic get up would have laughed themselves silly then laughed even more at his crawling adulation for the little fat lady while expressing his concern that she and her colleagues in Government might have done more to rescue hundreds of schoolgirls kidnapped by a gang of Islamic terrorists.

Oh dear, oh dear, to our Western listeners it seems that you just haven’t been doing enough and we’re all so very concerned. So very, very concerned…

Perhaps someone should have told arse-kisser Snow that the Nigerian Government and its President hadn’t done much because they didn’t want to do much! Didn’t you see it on the other news channels Jon? The hundreds of anguished mothers of the kidnapped girls along with their friends and campaign supporters had sent their representative to meet with the President’s wife to discuss the whole issue and after their meeting, well what do you think happened? The police were waiting outside, quickly arrested  the good lady and took her away to an unknown destination from which she’s so far failed to emerge!

The issue of the kidnapped Nigerian schoolgirls has now become a kind of international celebrity cause with  all kinds of people hot to get in on the act. Cheesy celebrity politicians like  Hilary Clinton, always hungry for a bit of easy publicity and then Gordon Brown, United Nations representative for something or other glaring at us straight out Nigeria and trying to look all benevolent. Well benevolent to the British people you never were mister so kindly get your sorry arse out of our faces because we don’t want to see you. Not after you and your banker friendly economic policies caused such damage to the lives of the poor. How is it that people like this can get jobs with the United Nations and cover themselves with respectability after all the dirty things that they’ve done?

Such political opportunists alas are just the beginning of the whole sickie show. Next comes Hollywood and  the world of pop music! All of them climbing in on the act from UN celebrity girl Angelina Jolie to Africa good causes star Celebrity Bob. Both naturally favorites with Channel Four! And now, not to be outdone by the Entertainment Mob comes the President’s wife Michelle Obama with a speech straight out the White House. Oh goody gumdrops Michelle. You so deeply concerned about the education of girls in West Africa and all! Pray tell us when you’re planning to leave your life of luxury and go live out there for a year in a mud hut so you can really know what it’s like?  

It’s a sickening sign of the times that Third World corruption,  political stupidity and greed becomes an  advantageous focal point for celebrity involvement and a cheery zest for do-gooding and meddling.

That said, there’s another side to the story of an Islamist terrorist kidnapping of children. With those big oil fields in the Niger Delta firmly in mind and President Obama already having expressed the necessary  outrage, the United States has worked fast to get in on the ground by sending political and military personnel. It must sound like a plateful of dollars to the ever greedy Nigerian political establishment, themselves responsible in the first place for failing to protect their female school pupils by tackling a major Islamic insurrection in the north of their country. It’s a kind of sick joke all round. Britain, former colonial masters with major oil development and export interests already established in the Delta initially had to stay quiet and keep its mouth shut about sending aid lest it be accused of any neo-colonialist shit. It meant leaving it all to the Americans and being fearful of any nasty oil deals once they’d got their feet in! Free the kidnapped girls then get their dabs on the oil. They did something similar to the British before in Saudi Arabia during the 1920’s! However now Obama’s sent his boys over, Wild Bill Hague’s finally opened his gob and promised likewise. Keep an eye out for the girls and likewise Shell, BP and the gushing black gold. Just think of the political power of the 250 virgins, Wild Bill!             
 

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Another sickie of the week relates to the recent imprisonment of celebrity publicist Max Clifford for sexual offences against women that occurred thirty years back. With his case having become such a major media event it is only fair to ask why this same media has been silent about the conduct of undercover policemen having sexual relationships with women with whom they’d formed liaisons for the purpose of political spying. In cases already documented, inherent in such relationships were promises of longevity by men who were already married and had families!  One therefore wonder whether these men, having adopted similar practices of pretension, false promise and trickery as in the case of Max Clifford, will be arrested for indecently exposing themselves to and penetrating the women they were spying on?

So far none of these police operatives have been prosecuted and are never likely to be. The reason is only too plain. The criminal justice system i.e. the State, regarded Max Clifford’s conduct as personal whereas they view the conduct of the police as political. Sexual activity is seen as part of their line of duty as political spies. Their sexual conduct served a political purpose so it wasn’t sexual misconduct at all! Its character was essentially political and therefore excusable by the political establishment and of course the Crown Prosecution Service who act on the advice of the police!

And yes, most of this filthy behaviour went on during the time of a Labour Government whose Home Secretaries gave it their blessing. Labour! A supposedly ethical Party! It’s a bit like turning a blind eye to John Prescott’s infamous sausage!

Now isn’t that a real sickie?

And here’s another! Your Coalition Government will allow the Inland Revenue to arbitrarily take money from your bank account in lieu of taxation they think you owe! Now this of course only refers to the general public with a handful of small business chucked in. Who it most definitely DOES NOT refer to are the tax avoiding multinational corporations, the seriously big financial operators who with good advice from the Inland Revenue itself are often able to reduce their tax liabilities to zilch. It’s a bit of a sickie you see. If the Coalition closed all the loopholes and dodges they’d be able to finance free higher education… do away with tuition fees just like the Liberal Democrats promised… give the desperately homeless homes to live in. All this and so much more. But no, none of these things. The multinationals are allowed to get away with blue murder, what with Danny Alexander being Liberal Democrat Chief Secretary to the Treasury and all!

It’s just another one of those sickeners so prevalent in our society today that so many just turn a blind eye to.  
 

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Once again, yet another celebrity children’s entertainer in the news. The oh so jokey, friendly face of Australia’s Rolf Harris, on trial for failing to tie his kangaroo down, may unlike policeman’s friend Jimmy Savile, knighted for services to child entertainment no less, find his hide hanging on the shed of the British penal system if everything the prosecution are alleging about him is accepted by the jury. Still, it’s nothing to what Savile himself and Liberal Democrat child molester Cyril Smith got away with simply by dying!

What is it with these entertainers who joke and strum their way through a media only too happy to promote their every publicity gimmick and song? What it actually is as a matter of fact is a marriage of opportunity, personal inclination and a fundamental lack of self-control. They make the most of opportunity when it arises, feeling they’re protected by their own status. It might have been the case in the Sixties and Seventies, a time when so many of these celebrity sexual misdeeds cases hark back to but not anymore. Not with the police trawling for high profile cases and the mass media perennially hot for celebrity dirt.

There’s a darkness coming over the face of the land and only those with naughty fingers will know what they’re possibly in for. It’s a sickener for celebrity dirt. A case of the vast morass of the socially unknown getting off on the misfortunes of those who made their money simply by sticking their heads out the top of the parapets and warbling. It’s a time for the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse to come calling… The Police, the Crown Prosecution Service, the Vampire Legal Profession and the Yellow End of Publicity!   
 

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Another sick joke for you. British so called space scientist Colin Pillinger has died. We all remember how this West Country Catweazle figure delighted us all in 2003 with his supervision of the landing on Mars of Britain’s Beagle Spacecraft. Indeed it was splendid entertainment for the millions who watched. With his death Pillinger has been hailed by BBC television as one of Britain’s special kind of do it yourself scientific immortals with that only too special British genius. Others however might venture a somewhat more caustic interpretation of his organisation of the Mars landing as a catastrophic cock up specially designed for national television geeks, royals and other fun lovers hot to get in on the act!

We all got it minute by minute with the Duke of York chucked in to give the proceedings respectability. Yes the royals were in on a glorious British achievement of science and technology with everything on track for the craft to make a famous world event success story. It had travelled millions of miles through space with Pillinger going for glory. With the tension revved up to fever pitch down it went for a momentous landing on Mars when suddenly, whoops, it disappeared! Never mind, it was just a momentary blip. The man in charge would soon find it again and all would be well! The seconds and minutes ran by with excuses being rolled out by Pillinger and his team of enthusiasts. Meanwhile faces were getting longer. It should have been down by now, all the systems were working and guidance control functioning, only it wasn’t. In fact nothing seemed to be working!

Twenty minutes, half an hour, then an hour passed. Not to worry! They’d pick up the signal again and find it all soon! Time ran by. After a couple of hours it became palpably clear that no-one knew anything or had any idea about what might have happened and what had first been rolled out as a mystery gradually evolved into something inexplicable and finally a loss! Faces grew redder and longer and the good old Duke of York eventually magically departed the scene. Duty elsewhere had called! It was a major oh dear situation with Pillinger refusing to give up until many hours later when the craft was officially declared LOST. In fact nobody knew where it was or what had happened to it and his great moment of triumph had turned into a sack of shit. All those months of science, technology and planning wasted let alone cost.

Oh dear, oh dear! The establishment television channel was forced to make the best of it with hopeful detection being made in the coming days, but the days came and went and Pillinger’s Beagle Spacecraft could have crashed landed just about anywhere, hard as that might have been to achieve! Neither the head of the project nor anyone else had a clue. Nonetheless the man toughed it all out. You know how these projects went… unforeseen circumstances and all that… the smallest something in a highly complex system malfunctioning and causing everything to go wrong! Excuses had to be found and the abject failure that it actually was massaged into something presentable. Meanwhile, a few weeks later with nothing found or known the whole thing slipped out of the news as another example of great British innovation and technical achievement not having quite made it but setting a glorious example for others to follow. You know how the BBC finds words to conjure up bullshit. It was a triumphant failure no less and Colin Catweazle Pillinger went down as one of those great eccentric geniuses of British science!

The whole televised process of an expected triumphant landing however, full of geekish Heath Robinson character, was important as a spectacle. We were all in on it so the awfulness of the failure had to be massaged away. There was no success, no orgasm of climax, just a big damp squib with Pillinger’s name all over it. From that time on he was never trusted with anything big in any space program ever again and his name disappeared out of the news. And along with his name and appearance, and the fact that the Beagle never was found, the word pillock silently accompanied his failure. He died eleven years later with the BBC still portraying him as the grey eminence of the British space program, a kind of funky Doctor Who without a police box. As for the Beagle itself it could be just about anywhere. In small pieces that is!
 

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Just one last sick joke for you to consider. Has anyone been prosecuted or taken to task by the Food Standards Agency over the Great British Horsemeat Scandal? Something that was the responsibility of Owen Patterson’s Department. You remember him don’t you… The Tory Party’s King Canute of the Somerset Levels!

No of course not. No-one’s been prosecuted for perpetrating that major fraud. No abattoirs, no meat processing plants, no supermarkets. No-one!

Okay, have any British bankers or banking executives been prosecuted for perpetrating the Libor bank rate fraud or for laundering drugs money for the Mexican drugs cartels?

No of course not! Don’t be a sickie!

Okay, has any policemen been convicted for their conduct during the Hillsborough Disaster?

No of course not! Don’t be a sickie!

Their behaviour was regarded as so impeccably decent that day that some of them have been promoted!

Has any policeman been prosecuted for shooting dead innocent unarmed civilians or been held responsible for causing the death of civilians in police custody?

No of course not! Don’t be a sickie!

Have any multinational corporations been prosecuted for tax avoidance?

Are you kidding?

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