BY POPULAR DEMAND: AN ALTERNATIVE NEW YEAR’S HONOURS LIST

FIRST CATEGORY: TOSSERS AND SCUMBAGS

A) INDIVIDUALS  B) ORGANISATIONS

SECOND CATEGORY: FOR HONESTY AND DECENCY  

A) INDIVIDUALS   B) ORGANISATIONS

 

FIRST CATEGORY: INDIVIDUAL NOMINATIONS

Ed Davey: Lib Dem Secretary of State for Energy

Boris Johnson: Mayor of London

Stephen Fry: National Goody-Goody

Brian Cox: BBC Television Know All

Jamie Oliver: Food Pontificator

Jimmy Savile: National Favourite Children’s Entertainer (Posthumous)

Lord Justice Leveson: Legal Enquiry Dickhead

Ian Duncan Smith: Tory Secretary of State for Benefit Cuts

AND THE WINNERS ARE: 

Brian Cox :  For Services to Universal Wisdom :  Medal of Distinction  Tosser First Class

Lord Justice Leveson :  For failing to ask Rupert Murdoch how he got hold of the Broadcasting License for Sky Television:   Emeritus Award Tosser First Class

Stephen Fry :  For being so effortlessly and endlessly congenial : Medal of Distinction  Category of Tossers                                             

Jamie Oliver :  For making a fortune out of telling everyone what they should eat : National Tossers Award 

Ed Davey : For Services to the Energy Suppliers Cartel:  Distinguished Order of Scumbags

 

FIRST CATEGORY : ORGANISATIONS NOMINATED

The Inland Revenue

The Energy Suppliers Cartel

The Liberal Democrat Coalition Partners in Government

Rupert Murdoch’s News International Corporation

The British Police Service

BBC Television

The English Cricket Team :  Players and Management

The Co-operative Movement

AND THE WINNERS ARE:

The Inland Revenue: For services to large multinational corporations on how to reduce their tax liability.  Distinguished Order of Outright Hypocrisy

The English Cricket Team : For setting such a fine example to all young British sports enthusiasts on the exemplary and professional conduct of their sport.   Medal of Distinction   Category of Tossers

The Liberal Democrats in Government : For taking the art of lying, deceit and opportunism in British politics to new heights.  Order of Scumbags: First Class

BBC Television : For nepotism. And for hostility and outright bias in its reporting on the State of Israel.   Order of Scumbags:  First Class

The Co-operative Movement : For allowing a drug-taking incompetent rascal to become Chairman of the Co-operative Bank and contribute to the wrecking of its finances.  Medal of Distinction  Category of Tossers

The British Police Service : There is no honorific order or award that does sufficient justice to the standard of behaviour and conduct of the British Police Service over the last year.

 

SECOND CATEGORY:  INDIVIDUAL NOMINATIONS

Margaret Hodge  Chair:  House of Commons Public Accounts Committee.

Ed Miliband  Leader of the Labour Party.

Teresa May  Tory Immigration Control Queen

Edward Snowden  Former security services employee of the United States Government.

Ed Mitchell  Former Tory Cabinet Minister

Nigella Lawson  Celebrity Cook

AND THE WINNERS ARE

Margaret Hodge:  For distinguished and honorable services to the Parliamentary process by ensuring that those interviewed by the House of Commons Select Committee which she chairs are mercilessly questioned about their public conduct.  Medal of Decency and Personal Integrity

Ed Miliband:  For promising to curb the power of the Energy Companies. For promising to end the appalling cheap labour employment practices experienced by young British workers. For standing up for the personal and political integrity of his deceased father whose name and conduct had been blackened by the Daily Mail.   Medal of Decency and Personal Integrity

Edward Snowden: For bringing to public attention the disreputable conduct of the intelligence services of Britain and the United States at considerable personal risk to himself.    International Award for Personal Decency and Integrity.

SECOND CATEGORY: ORGANISATIONS NOMINATED

The Guardian Newspaper and its staff

The Campaign for Justice on behalf of the victims of the Hillsborough Disaster

LBC Radio

The National Health Service

AND THE WINNERS ARE

The Guardian Newspaper and its Staff:  For news reporting at the highest professional standard of truthfulness, integrity and courage.  Medal of Honor for Public Service.

The Campaign for Justice on behalf of the victims of the Hillsborough Disaster:  For its long heroic struggle against the greatest odds and obstruction to bring to public attention the true facts of the Disaster.  Medal of Honor for Public Service.

LBC Radio:  For its clear, truthful and interesting reporting of public events great and small and exemplary contribution to radio journalism.  Medal of Honor for Public Service .

The National Health Service:  For working tirelessly to ensure the health of the nation in the face of endlessly vindictive Tory criticism and only too often disgracefully low pay of its employees. It remains as  it has always been, the finest and most honorable public service institution of our country.   Medal of Distinction for Exemplary Public Service.