NEWSWORTHY PERFORMANCES OF THE WEEK

Ouch ouch! David Cameron jumps out the sea after being stung by jellyfish while on holiday at Lanzarote.

Oh did it hurt Mister Cameron? Now you know how it feels all the time if you’re a Saver in this country getting shit interest rates for your money. Then being stung by those energy companies ripping you off with your partners in Government the cheesy little Liberal Democrats promising this that and the other, lying all the time through their back teeth. Having their emotions pissed on by those endlessly provocative bankers bonuses with most people everywhere in desperate straits. That’s really OUCH Mister Cameron. Not having something slimy pump poison into your arse.

 

The Royals Down Under On Holiday!

Now I’m the Duke of Cambridge,

It earns an honest bob,
For a nice young Royal
It’s an interesting job.

I visit lots of countries,

Where people queue to see
Us eating all their lunches
And then shake hands with Me.

In Oz they’re very loyal

To Granny who’s their Queen,
Kiss anything that’s royal,
And more that’s in between!

We go to church on Sundays,

Like all good royals do,
But all the rest are fun days,
At races and the zoo!

The British people back at home,

All love us don’t you see,
They gladly pay for all our trips
And munch on chips and tripe for tea.

 

To be hummed to the tune of George Formby’s When I’m Cleaning Windows

 

GRAND OPERA

Oscar Pistorius continues to thrill us with his performances from the Opera House in Pretoria of the great universal tragedy, Love Me Or Leave Me, where the lover goes on trial for the murder of his beloved. Just as in all great dramatic masterpieces, the great tenor’s endless cries of anguish over his tragic loss and pleas of innocence echo through our hearts, competing with his grim accuser’s dark insistence of guilt. It’s all very intense yet we can somehow imagine the hero, unseen by us, looking up to heaven, not to commune with the almighty but because he has a vision of Reeva, his lost love, shining down on him like a Madonna.

 

STAGE MANAGEMENT

Congratulation should be given to BBC Television. No, not for its reporters in the Ukraine recently playing an important role in actively stage managing the political takeover in Kiev by openly Nazi supporting  groups on behalf of British and American intelligence services, but for carefully crafting the disappearance from its former intense news coverage of the Malaysian Aircraft tragedy. With the passing of days the once world-captivating item has gradually been allowed to slip down the Ceefax back pages to oblivion with now no more than an occasional murmur about searches by deep sea vessels failing to find anything!

Of course they won’t find anything! Under political pressure from the United States, the entire search effort of Britain and Australia has been little more than a joke with ships and planes searching in the wrong place and only doing this after a lengthy and carefully calculated waste of time so that recorder equipment aboard the aircraft would ultimately fail. The aircraft is where it came down. In the sea south-east of Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, see one of my previous posts.  

The area alas now has another disaster with the disappearance from a capsized ferry containing many hundreds of its Captain! Whoops, what was that? Captain disappears from his sinking ship! I mean didn’t that happen only a year back when jack-the-lad Captain of an Italian Cruise ship, Schettino , did a bunk in a lifeboat with his ship rolling over! And now there’s the South Korean Captain admitting that a seriously junior officer was put in charge of his ship while it was negotiating dangerous waters. Hundreds of kids drowned, hundreds still missing. A good time for the inhabitants of these shark infested waters currently dining out on child’s leg soup. Sorry, families and relatives, if you want to get angry don’t get angry with me but get your hands on Government officials who allowed it to happen and the ship’s Captain who put an amateur in charge of his vessel knowing there were hundreds of children aboard.   

FINALLY THE CRIMEA!

So President Obama, with that walking corpse from the State Department, John Kerry, behind him, and further back that noisome little pipsqueak William Hague pretending he’s something more important than an American dummy, piping up from the wings, are all in chorus threatening President Putin and Russia with COSTS and SANCTIONS if they don’t get busy dissuading Russian activists to stop taking over cities in Eastern Ukraine. YES, THEIR WILL BE COSTS AND SANCTIONS!

Yes, it’s either hold out your hand for the cane or over the desk for the slipper!

Quite frankly, even if you regard such threats as a joke they’re still of weak political taste. The United States is economically bankrupt. I mean totally bankrupt to China and Saudi Arabia. In addition more than a few countries in Europe are likewise. Then there’s the situation of one third of Germany’s industrial output being dependent on Russian gas imports and very considerable swathes of the French economy being tied up with Russia, apart from all of which the Ukraine itself gets all its gas and most of its oil from Russia.

All in all then, the endlessly threatening posture of Britain and America are little more than juvenile and whereas it is true that nasty little children can be dangerous, as is only too evident when Child Hague opens his whining little Yorkshire gob, it’s hardly likely that Putin’s quaking in his boots. What is really nasty, however, is that Yorkie Boy Hague has made serious threats against Russia in the name of the whole British people! That’s both in my name and yours.

Well I for one cannot recall giving the said pipsqueak any authority to speak in my name when making threats against another country and its people, so I therefore require of you, said pipsqueak, WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO SPEAK IN MY NAME WHEN YOU THREATEN MILLIONS OF OTHERS?