THE EURO-SICKENER SONG CONTEST 2013 : JUST WHO ARE THE SWIVEL-EYED LOONS?

The word ‘contest’ as all of here in Britain know, is a plain stinking joke. I mean HELLOW EUROPE! When most of your Governments not so long ago were Fascist, Nazi, Nazi friendly collaborators or just killing Jews in concentration camps or robbing and murdering them in your streets, the British people stood alone fighting and then went on fighting to liberate you and your countries from tyranny. Yes you fuckers, and now what do we see? All you pissy little creeps ganging up together to give each other points for the shit you’re mouthing while for Britain it’s nil points as usual. Well quite frankly sometimes I just don’t know why we bother with you these days as you are all, the whole lot of you, so plain bloody appalling.

I’ve just read the opening of this post to my dear wife. She gave me a warm wry smile and said, “it’s a bit wishy-washy!” Now that’s what I call real British humor. Something the scumbags from the Baltic States to the Balkans just wouldn’t understand! But then let’s look at it another way. The contest was held in Malmo, Sweden! Yes Malmo, where they recently had anti-Israel, anti-Semitic riots… And Sweden? That was the supposedly neutral country during the Second World War that allowed the Nazis to rail-transport supplies of iron from its occupied neighbor next door, Norway, across its territory for a handsome profit to feed the Nazi war machine. That was Sweden all right, the owner of one of its main companies, Ikea, recently expressing pro-Nazi sentiments and equally appalling, Swedish Governments up until a few decades back engaged in the ‘breeding’ policy of eugenics, something Hitler and his lads were up to their eyes in during the thirties!

Such a lovely place, Sweden, but that’s not the worst of it. The Baltic States have a much dirtier record. Hello Malmo… This is Estonia calling… Estonia? Isn’t that the country that gives its nationals who were former members of their homegrown Nazi SS state pensions in recognition of their murderous wartime activities? And how about Lithuania, which specialized in mass murdering Jews in the streets of their cities… Then of course there’s Latvia, formerly a favourite stomping ground of Himmler’s Baltic States Extermination Squad. Nothing done about the old Nazis there, still alive and well in healthy retirement.

Whoops, did I say something rude? Surely not about lovely Croatia that once set up its own concentration camps! But then there’s always France, once described by one of Margaret Thatcher’s Ministers apropos the Second World War as “a nation of collaborators!” I mean like Coco Chanel sleeping on a regular basis with the head of the Paris Gestapo!

Yes, hello Europe! We love you all here in Britain! We get nil points from you time after time while you’re only too glad to send us your wines and your beer, your fruit and your cheese. The British! We’ll send them any old shit because they love us in Europe, especially former fascist Spain that gave refuge to Nazi war criminals in droves. Well actually, Europeans, most British people don’t love you at all and given the chance by our politicians of a referendum that’s never likely to happen, we’d tell you just where to go.

The Euro-Sickener Song Contest year after year says it all! And we British in our own British way love it all, or maybe that’s just what you think! Actually most of us watch it for altogether more cynical reasons. It’s because in our heads we’re just laughing at you and your antics and taking the piss. We generally find you contemptible and your so-called Common Market a joke. But then these are things I really mustn’t say or I’ll have Europhiles like Ken Clarke, Peter ‘Mandy’ Mandelson, Nick Clegg and his mob and Florence the Snail Miliband down on my head calling me a swivel-eyed loon! Okay you desperate swivel-eyed Europhiles, what do we get out of Europe except nil points, smelly cheeses and rotten fruit? Tell me about how important they are to us and what we actually get out of them. Tell me about all this wonderful trade we do with bankrupt Ireland, a low tax haven for Google, with bankrupt Greece, Portugal, Spain, Cyprus and semi-bankrupt Italy. I’ll tell you what trade we do with them, the City of London helps organise loans for their economies at the expense of British taxpayers.

Actually compared to the money we help organise for them at the expense of our own social services and Welfare State, they buy very little from us. What no British cheeses? Hmm, one of your typically British jokes mon ami! So tell me, you Euro-Sickener Song Contest friendly Europhiles, since when were the ex-Soviet republics of Georgia, Azerbaijan, Armenia and Belarus ever in Europe. Since when were they along with Turkey and the Ukraine ever in the Common Market? No, they never were, but then we’re all a big happy family when it comes to the Euro-Sickener. Wasn’t it all so delicious. The Scanty-clad Spider-Legs woman from Belarus with her pins  all the way up to her ears being politically sponsored all the way from the top… The black sequin gowned Dracula Man from Romania along with falsetto voice and half naked boys and girls, real biting satire if ever there was one with hundreds of thousands of them soon on their way over to Britain to chew on the fat… The ‘zany’ stomping Greeks looking seriously silly for their billions of Euro-loans singing Alcohol is Free. What, in Greece? Is that a joke or something! Then the louche, greasy looking Italian like something out of the Godfather and of course, the ever-popular Scandinavian tit-fest mixed in with fetching young boys!

Most of the songs, incomprehensible even in English because they were accompanied by a loud banging of drums, raucous sound and the plain silly antics of their performers, are what now actually passes for a highlight of modern European culture. There was real little melody in any of it. Little that was tuneful, lyrical and sincere. Just a pretentious loud soulless racket coloured with a bit of national sentiment. Denmark was clearly the winner for putting all the worst of it best, but the occasionally tuneful, quietly sung melodious songs like that from Hungary, my own favorite, along with the Maltese entry, came nowhere compared to the crashing entries from Azerbaijan and the Ukraine, both thrust to the fore with the usual votes ganging racket.

Quite frankly, you gyrating little toy-boys and girls from Scandinavia to Central Asia I don’t give a monkey’s for your lousy lyrics and puerile performances among which the British was close to the worst. Far more interesting was the oh so typical geo-political ganging together of your national audiences. It said a great deal about you all and how plain ghastly you are. The Scandinavians all hanging out swapping ten to twelve points, same as the Ukraine and all the other smelly East Europeans. Though Hungary I noted was a happy exception. The nationals of fifteen or more countries all giving it out for their neighbors next door.

Here’s some examples.

Keeping it in Scandinavia

Sweden 12 points to Norway : Norway 12 points to Sweden    

Iceland 10 points to Norway : 12 points to Denmark
Finland 12 points to Norway
Denmark 12 points to Norway

Going Dutch

Holland 12 points to Denmark : Denmark 10 points to Holland

Keeping it Neighborly

Ukraine 12 points to Belarus : Belarus 12 points to Ukraine

Romania 12 points to Moldova : Moldova 10 points to Romania
Georgia 12 points to Azerbaijan : Azerbaijan 10 points to Georgia
Armenia 10 points to Georgia : Georgia 10 points to Armenia
Ukraine 8 points to Moldova : Moldova 12 points to Ukraine

Dear old Pals

Cyprus 12 points to Greece : Greece 12 points to Cyprus

Russia and the Baltic States

Latvia 12 points to Russia : 10 points to Estonia     

Estonia 12 points to Russia

And this, trust me, is just a small sample.

Now what does that say for such a contest, for the supposed finesse of the music, for the lyrics and beauty of song? What does it say for the foibles of nationalism and clannishness over the virtues of personal ability and talent. The British entry was puce and so was the Irish, but the shit out of Azerbaijan was something real special. Someone gyrating on stage with a fellow performer squirming in a nearby glass box, lyrics utterly incomprehensible. Yet it gained a large number of votes across a broad spectrum of countries. Could it be that Azerbaijan, now a crucial exporter of oil across Europe, gained some kind of capital from this? Only if you believe that the European wide audiences were aware of such and voted with the price of petrol in mind.

Such a belief is pure foolishness. There’s a far better explanation. It’s that Europe wide audiences shared an affinity for what in truth was a piece of plain poop. They loved it to bits but they loved Denmark’s mixture  of Lego and Lurpak far more. All very smooth, all very bland. Like soggy sweet Danish pastry.

Now this might not say very much, only aren’t these the people our Europhiles in Britain are only too happy to hand our taxpayers’ money? Give so many of these sleep-through-the-afternoon tax dodgers part of our hard earned pay? Well they tell us we should, only for what? I mean, what kind of deal are we getting from them so we should hand them our dosh? Do they love us so much that we should spend part of our time working for them? As most people know it’s only the bankers who are getting anything out of the deal and we all know what they’re like. Milk their grandmothers’ tits for a shilling and worse. No, you think we’re zany and British and silly and you love taking our money both here and abroad but sooner or later it’ll be time to say no. No to our swivel-eyed Euro-Loons who want to hand out our taxpayers’ money and no to the pathetic Euro-Sickener Song Contest that’s only a vehicle for fools.

The real meaning of the European Union to most British people is not that of a talked up but in truth non-existent export market for businessmen but an organisation which facilitates the movement of cheap labour. One that legally guarantees millions of people from its East European member states the right to freely come here and take jobs from British people because what they earn in their own countries is rubbish. For most British workers it’s an organisation for dumping cheap labour on them. Dumping cheap labour East to West, South to North Europe.

Watch the Euro-Sickener Song Contest and you’ll see plenty of gyrating swivel-keyed loons. Listen to the Europhile-Sickeners here in Britain and you’ll hear even more. But you really don’t have to worry. They’re both as incomprehensible as each other. None of them make any sense. They’re all singing shit. It’s only when they’re all mixed up together, some are more pretty than others!