A Conspiracy of Trash

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Saturday 20 October 2012

CRYSTAL PRINCESSES FROM ESSEX

My eyes picked her up in seconds. She was outsize. Big in body with massive thighs, shapely legs in black fishnet stockings, thrusting tits held in place by an extra-small bra under a tight white tee-shirt and to cap it all off a seriously fat arse bursting out of a tiny denim mini-skirt. She looked ridiculous as she pranced towards the stall in her four inch stilettos, but it wasn’t her ruby red lipstick that caught my attention. A fine amethyst crystal dangled neatly on a leather thong between her wondrous appendages.

My mind raced. A real sauce box. She had to be from Essex I speculated. Correctly as it turned out from the minute she opened her mouth!

She wasn’t alone. Hurrying along behind her was a skinny, sharp faced blonde also wearing a mini but this one ultra-short in leather with slightly ripped white fishnets encasing her long shapely legs. Neat little arse, the thought crossed my mind and then the fact both were eyeing me up with a well-controlled satisfaction.

They knew what they were about all right. I was under a pheromone attack and desperately needed assistance. My eyes fastened onto a large piece of Rose Quartz at the front of the table and I tried drinking in its calm, peaceful vibes. Relax, think love and peace… Let the calm flow in and around you…

It helped but only marginally. The blonde was also wearing a crystal. A fine clear quartz double termination also on leather. Clearly they both knew their stuff. With the first flush of their arrival over they began taking in the stall, glancing over the Gem Trees and the various crystals I had out on display along with my semi-precious pendants and mineral specimens. As for myself I’d taken in the Rose tattooed just above the fat girl’s preposterous bum. A really sweet smelling place I thought before letting my mind wander. Christ, if ever I was stuck with her on a desert island without food or any hope of rescue I could live off those thighs for over a year. I immediately banished the thought. A creature like that could easily do for me while I was sleeping.

The idea dissipated when the blonde began talking. Did I have any Moldovite, she asked matter of fact?         

I immediately played my friendly market trader’s gambit. “You girls from Hornchurch,” I enquired affably. This was a market in Central London. Lunchtime on a warm autumn day. Both were from Essex. No doubt about it. They could have come up for the day from Southend or Chelmsford but unlikely. Too far out from London. They had to be from somewhere nearer at hand.

I got a warm smiley rejoinder. How did I know then? Not far from Hornchurch at that.

Surely not Upminster I chuckled?

Their knowing looks said it all. “You some healing wizard?” the skinny blonde asked, tartly arching an eyebrow.

“I’m into crystal healing,” I purred, taking due cognizance, “but I wouldn’t call myself a wizard.”

Her eyes gave me the once over. That special kind of look that every market trader knows. Full of promise but dangerous. Essex all over and predatory with it.

“We’re from the estate down the end of Hall Lane. Know it?”

I knew exactly. “Used to live there myself,” I confirmed, “before I moved out of London.”

The one with the black fishnets smiled at her friend. “We don’t exactly live there any more either. Got ourselves a flat in Romford.”

My eyes widened. Romford! The biggest shit-hole in the Galaxy!

“We’re just out on our lunch-break,” she went on, common as a second hand tampax from that part of the world. “Someone told us there was a stall here selling crystals.”

Essex or not I liked the fact that they were interested. I could see them admiring the trees under the light and much else besides. I made most of the stuff myself I said pleasantly, wanting to convey that I was some sort of craftsman though somehow forgetting my wife and then feeling stupid. Get off with those two? I had to be out of my head. Early twenties and straight out of Romford. Probably shagged their way through the whole Klingon Empire. Five minutes with either and I’d have chlamydia growing out of my eyeballs. That said why be prejudiced? I was there to make a living and they were both wearing crystals. It had to say something. I mean, Essex girls or not they were also believers. Why else were they wearing them?

“That’s a nice double termination you’re wearing,” I said encouragingly. “It’ll give you plenty of energy.”

“Pointed at both ends,” she nodded. “Nice and transparent. Not like the rubbish most people sell.”

“Sounds like you know more than I do,” I breezed, taking in the points bursting out of her top like a promise. Even so, she was nothing compared to her friend. The size of her arse in that tiny mini-skirt was so very Essex. What was uncommon however was her amethyst crystal. Very dark. The very best quality that came only from Uruguay and perfectly formed. What the hell? It was the size of her that was overwhelming my senses, not the crystal. Strange that. As a rule I can’t abide fat women but this one was different. Not so much a tub of lard as a great big bubbly sauce box with something engaging about those legs of hers.

She knew I was looking her over. What the hell indeed? It had to be the fishnet stockings. A woman really needed to have class to look special in them. Classy rather than cheap. There are many men, market traders among them I know of, who are turned on by cheap looking girls. Cheap can mean many things but one of them’s ‘available’ and available means doing something you’d never ever imagined you’d do and winding up in a semi in Romford eating kebabs twenty-four seven and lying on a beach in Benidorm two weeks of the year with three awful kids wanting cod and chips every night… and the ‘ladies’ looking over my crystals conveyed that kind of promise. Or did they? Maybe it was all in my head. Maybe that really wasn’t their style and they were planning to study philosophy at Oxford.

It was a consideration I had to put into abeyance. Having asked permission the big girl picked up my biggest single quartz crystal. A superb piece from Brazil, Not quite transparent but clear enough and well-rounded with a perfect point at one end. Around seven inches long, it didn’t come cheap. Good energy but nothing compared to Moldovite or Sugilite. Seconds later I did a serious double-take, wondering whether I was seeing right. She wasn’t doing anything wrong, working it with her hands and testing its energy, and yet I couldn’t help thinking there was something else going on. Something that wasn’t entirely spiritual. Indeed the more I thought about it there seemed to be a psycho-physical connection between her and the crystal! If I didn’t know better I’d have said she was getting off on it.

My thoughts stopped dead in their tracks. Incredible! I’d never considered that kind of relationship before! Was this something that only happened to women or could men get it too?

She knew what I was thinking. It had powerful energies she confirmed then gave me a real knowing look… Nothing compared to Moldovite, or best of all…

We both said the magical name together. Sugilite!

By this time I’d gone round to the front of the stall hoping I might make a sale. For a moment I thought she would ask if I had any of the wonder mineral but was glad that she didn’t because none was available and the waiting list already long. It really did have a special place in the hearts and minds of the fraternity but then how had she known about it? I was curious and wanted to ask but didn’t. So far that day my sales weren’t up to much. I needed to concentrate on taking some money and the situation seemed opportune. Could I interest her in a nice piece of Rose Quartz I ventured? That piece I had there near the front of the table was special. Just in from Madagascar. A beautiful rose colour and lovely to touch.

“Perfect for calm and tranquillity,” I enthused. “A really loving stone.”

“You mean shagging…” she said matter of fact. “I’m not looking for healing. “I’m more into something that’s activating and enervating.”  

I followed her eyes as they ran over the stall. “Something like Moldovite!”

I saw where she was looking. There was a beautiful pendant lying near one of the trees. A deep rich forest green in colour. From Moravia in the Czech Republic where all the best Moldovite came from. The mineral was rare and it didn’t come cheap. It was certainly an activating stone and she knew it.

“How much?” she said picking it up. “It hasn’t got a chain or anything.”

The chain was incidental. A freebee chucked in for the kind of money I wanted.

I thought quickly. She certainly wouldn’t have it.

“A really fine piece I said lightly “and at a very good price. A hundred and sixty, nothing less. It’s one of the best pieces I’ve had.”

She looked at me disdainfully. “You’re a cheeky bastard,” she said warmly. “I know your kind all right! Dirty as the night is long.”

Somehow I liked her for that. “That’s pleasure,” I said sweetly. “You know what you’re holding is special.”

“Give you one-forty,” she shot back. “Can’t do any more.”

I considered, then shook hands at one-forty-five. A good deal for both of us I thought till she pulled out a wallet bulging with twenties.

“And a nice silver chain she insisted,” asking me to fasten it round her neck.

I did so graciously and with no small degree of affection. It looked good on her and it pleased me.

It wasn’t the money I reflected, just that she had her own kind of class and had it in spades, only it wasn’t my kind of class. I wished her well silently, hoping that the man she met and fell for wouldn’t hurt her too much. Where she’d got that kind of money I wouldn’t ask but she certainly had a real eye for quality.

The sale wasn’t over. Her friend, a blonde piece of work if ever there was one, grabbed the Rose Quartz. I could tell that she liked it. For twenty-five it was a steal and she knew it.

There was something about both of them as they pranced away out of sight They’d both bought qualitied things which is more than I can say about some of the purchases made by women from Chelsea or Kensington. Only these two weren’t Chelsea or Kensington and never would be. They were different kinds of lighthouses that a man can’t take his eyes off. Indeed, the history of the British aristocracy is littered with doxies like these. Raunchy slags who knew how to press all the right buttons.

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