It is with the greatest pride and satisfaction that we here at the Cobblers Exchange bring to our British, indeed our world-wide audience, one of the greatest media scoops of all time. Neil Armstrong stepping onto the Moon… Proof that Hitler was a transvestite… Shakespeare exposed as an Alien? Forget it. Below, for the eyes of the whole world to see, we have the honour of presenting the sensational photo that will lift the spirits of all those hard pressed citizens of the European Community of Nations now experiencing such difficult times.
This is the photo, made public for the first time, that the British Government tried so hard to suppress and for a while succeeded until work by one the traders affiliated to the Exchange – who must for security reasons remain anonymous – supported by one of his contacts in the Conservative Party, helped bring it to light. Here it is that you see the unmistakable unity of purpose, determination and above all, guiding energy of the two main leaders of the Community coming together to demonstrate their intent, so wonderfully expressed here, to solve the problems of Europe.
At the Cobblers Exchange in the City of London both I and my fellow traders agree that the crisis in Europe is a matter of the gravest international importance and overrides purely national considerations of local politics. In the United Kingdom it puts into perspective all the oily vote grubbing and lying promises around election time of the main party leaders from Cheesy Nick and the Millipede to Eton’s version of Mr Pasty. Let us be clear. Europe is our main export market and recognising the significance of this, the traders, dealers and brokers who meet at the Exchange have contacted our friends across the Continent, encouraging them to set up cobblers organisations such as our own.
Knowing they will have the support of their national leaders, I can tell you that they have now established Les Cobblėres Francais in Paris, a Kobblershaftsdienste in Frankfurt and an already very active Cobblesi Nazionale in Milan. Only just a few days ago we received an email from Madrid. The Coblěros at the heart of the city’s financial district is now up and running! It’s all splendid news. With the help of our multi-lingual translators we can now talk cobblers to each other across Europe. Hedge Fund Managers and Futures Traders will now not only be able to talk the same kind of cobblers to each other across geographical borders, there’s also a huge potential market for cross-cobblers considerations. For example, pasta traders across Italy with affiliation to the Cobblesi Nazionale in Milan can now exchange views with the wine makers of France on the Cobblėres Francais.
Speaking for myself, this internationalising of commercial exchange brings huge benefits for the crystal healing fraternity. I can exchange cobblers with my crystals street trading counterparts across Europe and such exchanges, you will understand, go right to the heart of co-operation and friendship between the political leaders of Europe. What you see in the photo is the expression of the national determination of the two main players to act together energetically in a spirit of peace, harmony and love. Alas, as you can see, and may recall from our Prime Minister’s recent meeting in Europe, David Cameron seems determined to keep our country on the outside. He does not presently believe in the benefits of crystal healing on the European stage, possibly only on the national one, though this is still a matter to be decided. (See previous Crystal Cobblers posting).
All this is very unfortunate for us here in the City of London. The vast majority of my associates engaged in talking cobblers fully believe that the Government should take a more pro-active role and with this in mind it has been suggested that a banquet be held in the Cobblers Hall at which the Prime Minister would be our Guest Speaker after which he would be presented with the highly prestigious award of the Cobblers Gold Star, a pendant with gold outlining a carved star shaped piece of Madagascan Rose Quartz. Needless to say, only six of these Stars have ever been awarded and bestowing such an honour on the boy from Eton would first need to be sounded out. An award of the Cobblers Gold Star, or as I myself prefer to think of it, the Rose Quartz Star, would mark a significant milestone in his career and bring him within the compass of the healing fraternity, so setting a fine example for all national politicians and perhaps leading him to a closer relationship with his European counterparts. Much will depend on how he sees himself in historical terms on the world stage of politics.
Laying these thoughts aside I return to the main considerations of this post, Euro-Cobblers and its importance for creating a common dialogue between traders. It is recognised now as an absolute prerequisite of modern trading and finance that we all speak a common language. This is not to say that we all have to think the same, but it would certainly be of enormous value if we shared our common concerns i.e. talked about the same things. Talked in the same language so to speak. This does not mean we have to abandon our national language, but instead create as a basis for dialogue a language we can all understand, and I for one, supported by my colleagues here in the City, firmly believe that the basis for any such universal language is cobblers. There might be French cobblers, Italian, German, British, Chinese and Mexican cobblers, and of course American cobblers. Whatever the case, the essential character uniting it all is cobblers. Cobblers as the new international language the world over. Think of it! Every nationality of traders having its own cobblers. In China, the street traders or the men on the money markets having their own cobblers as do those in America, Germany or Russia, and all these national cobblers being not so very different from each other. The aim then of internationalising the language is simply the internationalising of cobblers!
Now please! I’m no theoretician or philosopher. These are only some of my thoughts. Thrown out at random as it were. I have no intention whatsoever of writing a book on the subject as some have suggested, such as The Theory and Practice of Cobblers, or Cobblers for Beginners. Nor even an academic paper for one of our learned journals. Neither would I accept any academic appointment such as the Emeritus Professorship of Cobblers which I gather is being set up at the University of Berkshire. Accepting a Chair in Cobblers is not my intention. I’m simply a humble street trader with a few ideas of his own, even though I’m well aware that there are those who see me having a future on the world stage of commerce. For myself I have no such immediate ambitions and wish merely to set my sights on the expansion and prosperity of the Cobblers Exchange which I helped establish here at the financial heart of the City of London, and promoting the growth of such exchanges, first in Europe then perhaps throughout the world.
London has been a great success and as the Crystal Toff I feel myself at the heart of things. Our aim now, with the help of our more enlightened political leaders is to firmly establish ourselves in Europe. An excellent start has been made and there has been no dark energy opposition. Euro-Cobblers! At last an international language for Europe for those who trade. For those who engage in commerce and finance. For those who bring so much wealth to our country! Linked with the healing power of crystals, a forum for therapy, for settling differences that have plagued the continent for a thousand years! People talking cobblers to each other across national borders in a language known to each other!
Sprechenzee Kobblerz?... Oui, je parle cobbleres aussi! … Et moi? Je suis Le Toff Crystale!
You see, all you sceptics out there… Euro-Cobblers is only the start. Naturally each nation will bring to the language aspects of its own national character. Cobbleres francais will be droll, gay, debonair. Cobblo Italiano more expressive, excitable. Deutche-kobblerz, formal perhaps. More precise. As for our very own Brit-Cobblers, who can say? A touch reserved maybe but with a strong sense of humour. Rude at times. Even anarchic. Now imagine all those droll, gay, formal, precise, excitable, humorous, rude, anarchic characteristics all mixed into one language and what have you got? I’ll tell you if you haven’t guessed. What we’ve got is a new language. Euro-Cobblers!
So here’s to Euro-Cobblers and I ask you not to scoff,
it’s the language of the future for the trader and the boff.
The wheels already rolling but no problem to get off
Or stay awhile and read my posts, cos I’m the Crystal Toff!
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